Emotional Intimacy

Emotional Intimacy – connectedness – a deep soul appreciation for each other – a melding of the mind, heart, and soul, as each partner willingly and eagerly forfeits life as a single individual and merges into a oneness of hearts.  Whew!  We say we want emotional intimacy and as females, we often demand that we get it from our spouses, but how much closeness can we actually tolerate?  How much closeness can we handle before we do or say something that pushes our spouse away and vice versa?

John 17:20 says we must forgo our prideful independence and unite as one,

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word;  that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.  And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”


Oneness of the heart goes against the very grain of our independent and self-sufficient culture.  It insinuates that we have to give up who we are or take on something we don’t want. We are afraid of exposing our flaws and having to deal with the flaws of others. It’s quite a dilemma – yearning for something we are terrified to get!  But God isn’t asking us to give something up or to take on someone else’s flaws. He is asking us to meld into Him, that we (both of us) may be made perfect in Him.  I believe He’s talking about a synergy that occurs when two entities merge into one with God in the center. And it’s God’s love that unites, blesses, and drives out all fear, insecurity, doubt, anxiety, separation and competitive strife.  God’s perfect love makes it possible to get our deepest needs met through Christ alone, which allows us to connect with our spouse from the overflow of God’s love and acceptance, creating emotional intimacy that is safe and protected.  I believe this is the kind of closeness that God intends for us and the kind that is modeled for us through the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. And because we are created in His image, and because this is the kind of emotional intimacy that He intends for us…I believe that it’s possible!

Laura Pelechek, Staff Therapist

Laura Pelechek, Staff Therapist