Being Present

CuddlingI was on the verge of missing what I considered the most unmissable part of my week. I am co-facilitating a class at House of Hope where each session is saturated and intense. We build so much from week to week and talk all the time about the disruptive nature of anyone in the group missing. And, this session in particular was going to be a special one.

But the call had come, my toddler had come down with a fever and needed to go home. I scrambled with 2 hours to go until class. I was on the phone immediately, even in route to the daycare. Leaving messages… “Are you free this afternoon? Could you come over to the house for a couple hours?”

Lifelines were cast out to no avail. My husband couldn’t get ahold of his boss to change his schedule. Friends had appointments, work, projects. As the time ticked away, I still tried to make it work because missing the unmissable just wouldn’t jive in my mind. And yet the hour for class arrived, and it was clear that I would not be there.

And then the shift came. I wasn’t expecting it really. My old pattern would have been to be anxious about the impact of my absence, to feel like I had let people down, to feel like I was in now in debt and had to make it up. But the old script didn’t play itself out. There was something new: peace- and an invitation from Jesus: be present where I’ve put you because this is where I want to be.

The seeds of truth that I have been sowing into my mind bore fruit in that moment. I remembered that I have nothing to offer the women in my class, and I am not responsible for what happens in the time we share together. I only bear the presence of Jesus so He can do what He wants to do through me- and through the other women- as He unfolds His plans for all of us. I rejoiced that even if I wasn’t there, Jesus was definitely not missing class that day. And when it came to me, He wanted me to bear His presence somewhere else that day because He had a purpose there.

from the desk of Katie Sandquist,Executive Director

from the desk of Katie Sandquist,
Executive Director

So I let go, and I rejoiced that today I would be a God-bringer in my home, to my son. Nothing would be missed and nothing would be lost because I was never responsible for it in the first place. I experienced the joy of being present, allowing Jesus to hold that little boy with my arms, to comfort him with my words, to love him with my heart. There was no where else that Jesus in me wanted to be.