An Agreement with Truth

Thwarted.

A simple trip to run errands resulted in a forgotten receipt and a missed sale.

Tears well up.

That’s so stupid. Why are you crying? This isn’t a big deal.

Guilt. I’m just so tired and overwhelmed. My baby was up several times last night, my toddler has been acting up all day, my house is a mess, and I feel like I can’t do anything right.

Whatever. First-world problems. Wipe away the tears and blow your nose. Be fine. This isn’t worth all of that emotional stuff. Remember that blog post, the one about the mom whose baby girl passed away so suddenly…she had reason to cry. Not you. And look, she was praising God amidst all that suffering. You’re so immature. 

Suddenly I realized that God’s voice was not the one of accusation. He was not condemning me…I was. It was my own voice that taunted and teased, shamed and shoved. My own voice of criticism was overwhelming the voice of God.

How does one quiet the voice within? How do I listen deeply enough to hear truth?

Silence.

Deep breath.

Ally my broken self.

I’m so sorry that trip was hard. I know you were looking forward to getting those errands run, and it’s so frustrating to feel thwarted.

It’s okay that you’re sad. There is no scale that weighs whether things are worthy of being sad about. Feel the sadness. Mourn the loss of a successful trip. It’s okay.

And you know what? It’s okay that you feel overwhelmed and tired. Those are such appropriate emotions for what you’re experiencing. Mourn the loss of the past few weeks of heaviness and frustration in parenting. Mourn the hours of sleep you’ve missed, the hours of peace you’ve lacked.

Bring all of myself into agreement with Truth so that His voice may be heard…

Who do you want to be to me right now, Lord?

You feel silly to be so overwhelmed? I am your Righteousness: I do not expect you to respond perfectly in every situation, but to press in, even into your inadequacy. See my sufficiency there.

What do you feel? Sorrow? Confusion? Frustration? I am Comforter and Counselor…you can come to me, just as you are and I will receive you.

You are full of worries and concerns? Cast them upon me, my child, and know you are mine. I do not condemn you—I welcome you into my peace.

Stillness.

Peace. 

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from the desk of Stephanie Roth, Classes Director